The Substitute Teacher
' '''is episode 101a of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on April 17, 2004. Synopsis Mrs. White has to stay home when she's unable to work due to being overworked and suffering from the flu, so as a result, Principal Walker enlists a substitute teacher to fill in for her for a few days. However, Edward is suspicious that the substitute is a government agent in disguise, but the rest of the class isn't buying it. Cast (WIP) *Andrew Rannells as Edward, Mr. Andrews, The Narrator, Cop Chris, Christian, Larry, Wayne, Skipper and Charles *Josh Peck as Eric *Mike Pollock as Principal Walker *Tress MacNeille as Mrs. White *Dan Green as Dallas *Gary Sauls as Constantinos and Joey *Edward Felker as Stanley Trivia *Although this episode premiered in 2004, it was produced in 2003 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits. Transcript (The episode opens with Walker enjoying himself to a cup of coffee. He sighs in relief, and his bad breath sneaks its way out of the office. The stench proceeds to beat up Constantinos for his lunch money, and it goes up his nostrils. The smell is so bad it disintegrates him into ashes) (Mrs. White opens the door, and she hands him a sheet of paper) '''Mrs. White: '''Walker, this is a paper notifying my sick leave. '''Principal Walker: '''A what? '''Mrs. White: '''Sick leave. '''Principal Walker: '''Come again? '''Mrs. White: '''Sick leave. '''Principal Walker: '''I don't understand... '''Mrs. White: '(covers her cough) A paper informing you I need to take a few mandatory days off from work. (inhales) I'm too overworked and have just caught the flu. (coughs) Court's orders. I am to stay at home, effective immediately. (Beat) (Walker laughs extremely hard, and pounds his fists on the table) 'Principal Walker: '"Court's orders"! (laughs and wipes off a tear) Got me there. Whoo. (wipes sweat from his forehead) Catherine, that flu is making you delusional. Everybody and their mothers know soup is the ol' switcheroo. 'Mrs. White: '''That, (coughs) that won't suffice. '''Principal Walker: '''Oh yeah? (quickly runs to Nurse Fracture's office, with his arm over Mrs. White's shoulders) Why go to the doctor's, when we have one RIGHT HERE?! (Beat) '''Mrs. White: '(sniffs and rubs her nose) Well, see ya. (Walker throws her back to his office and runs faster than the eye can see. He instantly runs in and blocks the door) 'Principal Walker: '''Yeah, SEE YOU IN THE AFTERLIFE! (maniacally laughs and extends his arm to break a glass, which has an axe inside, and he grabs it) '''Mrs. White: '''Wait. (coughs and sniffs) Who's the one paying for your rent and food? '''Principal Walker: '(puts his axe down, but it lands on his foot, chopping it off. He screams in pain, clutching onto it) You! 'Mrs. White: '''And you don't want those gone like your foot, do you? '''Principal Walker: '(shivering) Oh goodness, no! (We see Mrs. White leaving campus, and Walker quickly flipping through a phonebook. We hear a "ding") 'Principal Walker: '''A-ha! (dials a number and picks up the phone) Hello, is this- '''Girl: '-the Smith residence? 'Principal Walker: '''Oh, I, uhh... '''Father: '''Who's that you're talking to? '''Girl: '''It's not who you think, Dad. (We hear constant arguing and crying over the phone. Walker hangs up, visibly freaked out) '''Principal Walker: '''What's it gonna take to, (gulps) hire a substitute? Have one appear from thin air? (Suddenly, a tall man in a suit crashes through the ceiling. Walker screams and takes cover behind his desk, but once he takes a peek, he becomes angry. He gets so mad that once the camera zooms into his brains, it looks like a sauna in there. His head explodes similar to that of a firework) '''Principal Walker: '''Now you listen here! Just because you came in like some generic action movie protagonist, doesn't mean you'll crash through MY property scot-free! '''Mr. Andrews: '(gets up) Oh, I'm sorry, sir. 'Principal Walker: '(grabs his axe from earlier) Tell me who the heck you are. 'Mr. Andrews: '''Hold that axe, Colonel. I'm Mr. Andrews, prestigious mathematician, and I am willing to be the substitute. '''Principal Walker: '''How'd you know I- '''Mr. Andrews: '''Word gets around fast in this state. '''Principal Walker: '''I'm not paying for insurance, but you're in. Just warning you, though, I'm better at math. '''Mr. Andrews: '''87 times 44? '''Principal Walker: '''1467. '''Mr. Andrews: '''Wrong. '''Principal Walker: '''No; I was quick. (Mr. Andrews grunts) '''Principal Walker: '(crosses his arms and turns sideways) Oh, deny the truth! Not like I'm a person or anything! (Walker gets punched so hard he circles around the solar system, screaming bloody murder) (Camera cuts to The Lucky 6 walking down the hallway) 'Stanley: '''The word is there's a substitute. '''Edward: '''A substitute? '''Joey: '''Cheer up, Spotty. Substitutes are the remedies to a school year, next to breaks and drills. (They walk into Mrs. White's room and they take a seat. We hear the door creaking, and Mr. Andrews walks in. The class is surprised, but Edward is visibly shocked. In fact, he's so intimidated his pupils shrink, but then they end up shrinking so much that they pop and disappear) '''Edward: '''OW! (Mr. Andrews glares at the class and walks to the desk with a briefcase. He sits himself and his briefcase down) '''Mr. Andrews: '(to his wristwatch) Coordinates, there's no trouble here. 'Joey: '(under his breath) Nerd. 'Edward: '(raising his hand) Sir? Do you happen to be our instructor? '''Mr. Andrews: '''Huh? Who? I- oh. Uhh, yes. I'm Mr. Andrews, (writes his name on the chalkboard) your substitute for the up and coming days. Category:Edward and Eric Category:Edward and Eric episodes Category:Episodes Category:Edward and Eric Season 5 Category:Insecurity and TGB1's pages